My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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