I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
