Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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