There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You are the jesus of drinking
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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