WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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