he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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