miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
