I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
