Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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