You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
