i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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