nut hugger
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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