after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
