now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I take back everything I said about communal showers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
