I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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