if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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