just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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