I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
