yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
