He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
