I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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