Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize