just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
