we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I got inside last night via doggy door
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
