Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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