my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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