We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i think i have herpe
just one?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
