I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
