Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
