Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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