When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
false alarm, still single
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize