Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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