She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
