Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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