p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
