I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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