using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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