so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
