she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
