Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
