You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
and you fell through a lawn chair
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
