I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
