the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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