I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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