Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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