kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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