I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
