Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
