from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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