Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
