please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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