I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
