you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
