Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
