her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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