somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
