so explain again why im purple
no
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
