Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
