I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
