I hate your face
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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