I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize