my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
