I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
