I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize