my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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