Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
