I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
