help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
