i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
my poor anus
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
