Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Found your dick twin last night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
