Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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