Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Actions speak louder than pants.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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