theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
