chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
3 2 1 whiskey
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
