you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize