Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
