he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
