I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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