He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
