we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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